Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize