I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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