i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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