Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
