I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
