You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
