We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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