I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
