is your mom at the bar?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
