Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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