you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Still dying that you shit outside
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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