Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
