Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I only lived at night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
