So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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