I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
