So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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