Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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