stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
