two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
