good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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