Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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