So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
