If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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