They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
