i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
