i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
