And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
