at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
