Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
