so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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