Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
