so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
