So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
