I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
