the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
