She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
