Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
