you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
