Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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