i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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