This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
