Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
