I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
