Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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