Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch