I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize