i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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