I wish I could punch you in the face.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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