Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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