Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
