So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
