her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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