Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How external is "for external use only"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your cock deserves a montage
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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