I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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