just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
