nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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