I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
